while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
