Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
