I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
