Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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