I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
