I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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