he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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