My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
