So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
