Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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