I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
