well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
