someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
