handjob tips. give me some.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
