So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Enjoy the penises
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
