Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
