OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
