so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
