I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
