how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
