If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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