How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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