You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
