headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
