the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
