I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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