After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
