3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
