OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
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