dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
