Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
