Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
