So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
