I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
