literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
