I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
