im drinking this country out of the recession.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
