so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
