Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
it's like iHOP with fire
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
