So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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