i already hear my dad disowning me
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
