Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
