Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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