What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
