what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
