Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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