id be glad to
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
