Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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