Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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