I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
